Sandwich Generation: The Life Between Children and Ageing Parents
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Caregiving for your family is a noble job, but it’s also emotionally, financially, and physically tiring. It’s even more exhausting to provide care for people older and younger than you who have different needs, such as ageing parents and older children.
Does this situation sound like yours? If so, then you are part of the “sandwich generation.” What is the sandwich generation, you ask? It doesn’t refer to generations the way we often think of the Baby Boomers, Generation X, Millennials, and Generation Z. It identifies people at a particular stage in life, rather than categorizing them based on the year they’re born.
Many people are part of the sandwich generation. As the elderly live longer and the economy forces young adults to live at home longer and work lower-wage jobs, the family members caught in the middle can experience a great deal of stress and burnout. If you are part of this group, just know that you are not alone, and there are resources to help you care for your parents, children, and yourself.
What is the Meaning of Sandwich Generation?
Now that we know the basics, the bigger question is, “What does the sandwich generation mean, and what does it mean to be part of it?” The sandwich generation definition is the group of people in their 40s, 50s, and sometimes 60s caring for elderly parents and adult children. Two social workers—Elaine Brody and Dorothy Mille—coined the term in the 1980s to describe individuals “sandwiched” between each generation.
Many sandwich generation members feel pressured — or have no choice — to postpone their retirements so they can continue providing financial support to both their children and their parents. In the case of the former, this support may look like paying for a nursing home or live-saving equipment and mobility aids; in the latter, it may look like paying for tuition, housing, meals if they live at home, and more.
Financial support is only part of the equation; middle-aged parents also often need to support their family members emotionally as new life challenges come their way (such as memory loss or navigating a complex job market), or physically if they cannot perform various tasks without assistance.
Sandwich Generation Facts
According to the Pew Research Center, 48% of adults between the ages of 40 and 59 in the United States provided some financial support to an adult child in 2012, and 27% were primary support-givers. 21% of study participants provided support to a parent over 65 years old. In Canada, 45-64 give as much as 75% of unpaid care for elderly relatives.
Gender roles factor into who fits into the sandwich generation. A typical member of this group in the United States and Canada is a woman in her mid-40s who is both married and employed. Despite working full-time and having a partner, women are often expected to take on the responsibility of caregiving for ageing parents and adult children alike.
Members of the sandwich generation also experience more frequent health issues due to high stress levels. They sometimes report worsening eating and exercise habits, increasing medication use, and taking more sick days. 45% of Canadians caring for an elderly relative spend between five and 30 hours per week providing unpaid support, reducing their free time, and often cutting into work. This pressure understandably results in symptoms of depression, anxiety, and other psychological distress.
Sandwich Generation Tips
Being part of the sandwich generation doesn’t mean it’s all exhaustion and depression. Your children are learning to be fully-fledged adults, and it’s a blessing that your parents are still around. To reduce the amount of care you provide, you can:
Enlist a home concierge
If your parents want to age in place but need assistance with everyday tasks, you can enlist a personal concierge to help them with whatever they need. Duties range from simply spending time with your parents to provide company to tasks, like mowing the lawn and basic cleaning, to long-term supervision with assistance in eating and bathing. Hiring a professional takes a great deal of stress off your plate because you know someone is around to provide care when you can’t be present, and you have more time to focus on your own mental health.
Ask Your Children to Contribute
If the financial strain of providing for both your parents and children becomes too much to handle, ask your children to contribute what they can afford. The goal is to teach them to become financially independent, so sit down with them to figure out how they could help pay bills or assist with household tasks they’re not already doing. They may also be willing to help with caring for their grandparents.
Get Organized
You’ll make life much easier for yourself and your loved ones by getting all of their necessary documents and contacts in order. Do you know which doctors to call for your parents? The details of their retirement funds? Help your child understand the details of their student loans, credit scores, budgets, and other information that will help them need less care from you.
Being part of the sandwich generation entails a lot of work, so it’s essential to find ways to manage your stress and reduce your responsibility. Don’t shy away from asking other relatives and professionals for help, and you may want to consider therapy or support groups for other middle-aged people for friendship and advice.